Last month in the LDS General Conference, Julie Beck, president of the Relief Society, gave a talk entitled Mothers Who Know. While most of the talk is rather benign and standard fare, President Beck said several things that have really caused a stir, especially among LDS women. A couple of weeks ago, Radiowest spent an hour discussing the talk with several active LDS women. I came away from that program feeling depressed for LDS women. There are several groups that struggle inside the church such as boys who are worthy but choose not to go on missions and singles over 30. I came away from the Radiowest program thinking the same thing about LDS women. On one hand they are told to become educated, but on the other hand they are told to stay at home raising kids, cleaning, cooking, and making sure to "... bring daughters in clean and ironed dresses with hair brushed to perfection; their sons wear white shirts and ties and have missionary haircuts." That is an ideal that Michelle and I never achieve. I don't know if we even really try. Sunday mornings are a struggle especially if I'm not around. Why add one more stressful item onto an already stressful situation?After reading the talk, I felt that President Beck is missing one key ingredient, fathers. Times have changed and it is no longer 1950. Fathers play an important role in not just providing financially and providing priesthood leadership, but they should also be participating in the day to day nitty gritty. I try my best to help clean the house, dress the kids, cook meals, and help raise the kids. Most dads of my generation participate more fully in "homemaking" as President Beck called it and I believe they should. This sometimes means that I sacrifice personally in not being able to do something that I want, but that is what being a good father and husband is all about.
I am a firm believer that we aren't all cut from the same cookie cutter. While it is easy and convenient to think that all situations can be fixed in the same way, life is never that simple. When it comes down to it, we are a church that believes in personal revelation. Whether that means waiting five years after marriage to have kids (as Michelle and I did) or having mom work while dad stays home with the kids, we should have the faith and trust from our leaders and those around us to be able to decide those things for ourselves without having the judging eye upon us.
Recently friends of ours in the ward made a decision for him to quit his job and stay home with their two kids. Personally I think this was great, and I'm sure that they think it is the right decision. Being a stay at home mom (or dad) is hard work and is under appreciated. Does this make her any less of a "mother who knows"? I would suggest no.
Plus, many families don't have the option and both parents must work to make ends meet. I am thankful that Michelle can stay home with the kids while I earn enough to support the family. We have to do without some things, but our kids our better off. It is a sacrifice I am willing to make, but I feel for those who don't have that luxury.
What are the proper roles for mom and dad in today's world? Should we still have traditional roles, or should both parents (in the case of two) be a hybridized parent? Let me know what you thought of the talk.
5 comments:
amen brotha. seriously - Sister Beck's talk did stress me out and depress me. I know that others loved it and felt inspired to do better. I just felt judged. I guess my cup is half empty when it comes to being a perfect mom in her set of standards. However, I do my absolute best on an hourly basis and freak if I know how to get the floor mopped and Grace's hair brushed in the same week let alone the same day.
Dave-
I loved reading a man's insight on this talk! I remember being annoyed with the talk in general. It could have been her tone of voice, it could have been the over usage of the phrase, "Mothers who Know..." (Oh yeah, I'm a Mother Who Knows how to throw a great left hook if you don't shut up! Just kidding...that's a little extreme). BUT, I did by the end I did feel a greater desire to be better, more organized, more dedicated to my role as a mother..in a good way. And I think ones reactions to this talk vary depending on what you are going through in that particular moment. Luckily, I am feeling like I have a pretty good handle on things, (I only have one and Vic is an amazing husband). But if I were stressed to the max with three of four little ones, my husband was addicted to ESPN and Sports Center and never helped out, I was 40 pounds over weight and running around like a chicken with its head cut off...you betchya, I would probably have been very offended. I'm rambling here. I'm not trying to toot my own horn. But it's like you said, there is no cookie cutter answer. We are all individuals with our own individual problems, opportunities, struggles, blessings, and challenges. I'm not one to take things too seriously or brood over them, so although I felt like punching her at one point, I let it slide and I'm over it. I think women who might take the church and everything about it more seriously than I (well....there you have it, I'm a self proclaimed sinner), would have found this talk hard to swallow. You have to take everything with a grain of salt, sort through what you feel like fits and applies to you, and use it to help you become a better person. Unless, of course, its a direct command from the prophet. An interesting culture and sometimes seemingly complex doctrine we have. My philosophy is: if it's not fun, don't do it. HA HA. Sorry this is so long!
That talk caused some raised eyebrows at our house, too. I think it was more her tone that what she actually said. But her sharp emphasis on mothers was also notable. Maybe she thinks that only the mothers are in her stewardship and she let the priesthood handle the dads?
I just finished listening the RadioWest on this topic and I think everyone should hear some of the viewpoints shared before making a decision on this talk. I think I'll have to write a post about this topic now...
Ok, I am going to be the devils advocate. I loved the talk. I felt so lucky to be a "Mother that knows". When I am stuggling doing all the "church" things for my family by myself, I am reminded it is all worth it and to keep going. I don't think she was saying anything negative about the men. We are just extra blessed to have great dads and husbands!
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