March Birthdays

finishing up a blog I started a week ago:

We have a lot of them in my family, March birthdays, that is. In order, we have David, Grace, Aunt Jessica, and Grandma Primmer. We've done a lot of celebrating already, but the actual birthdays at our house finally came this week. After the big party in MA for the kids, we then had a party in a hotel room a couple weeks ago when Jessica was here in ABQ.

(hotel room birthday cakes - cupcakes from the grocery store!)

My grandma turns 80 next week. I'm hoping to drive to Utah for her party.

David's birthday was Monday. It was fairly uneventful considering we had just moved in and he's one of those 30 somethings. We made him dinner and bought a cheesecake birthday cake. We don't have a fridge right now (except for a small dorm fridge) so cooking and baking is kind of a pain. Dinner didn't turn out too well, but the kids and I gave him a new wii thing that made for a fun night.
Grace's birthday is today. It seems quite unreal that she has been in our life for 7 years. Those 7 years have been quite packed with events. She's an amazing little girl. I feel really lucky and often undeserving to be her mom. I don't know if she picked me or if I picked her, but I couldn't ask for a better daughter. I am so proud of her for all she's done and accomplished so far. I'm so proud of how positive she's been since we moved. I have a hard time coming up with adjectives to describe her. Smart, fun, sweet, talented, and beautiful just don't seem to cut it. (well on the other hand, there's also stubborn, moody, and lollygagger :-) ) I'm actually grateful that she has some character flaws so that I'm sure she's related to me.

Happy Birthday my beautiful Gracie girl!

She asked for a Star Wars family party. Here is my attempt at R2D2 for a cake. She may not be my princess Leia, but she's an awesome Jedi.

We Moved!

We did it. I still can't believe we did, but we did. I really thought I might spend the rest of my life in New England, but here we are in New Mexico! Our friend Bryan wrote a really interesting blog about changing your identity to match the place where you live and deciding "where you are from." We felt like we had come to a similar crossroads after 5 years in New England. Where were we from? Where do we belong? Our kids are from New England, but we still didn't quite feel like we were. We weren't sure we wanted to be either. Where is "home?" Are we westerners anymore? I guess we are now! Eventually I hope we all feel like we're from here and that we had a great 5 year adventure on the East Coast.

I thought about changing our blog title since we started our blog when we moved to Stow, MA and all the references point to that. But, I think we still feel like "stowaways" so, I think the title still fits. Someday when I have NOTHING to do, I might even give the old blog a face lift, but it's going to have to stay boring for now. Hey, at least I figured out how to get the family picture up on top so you can see it. (credit to bbsnaps for awesome pics - not easy to get a decent picture when you're trying to make 2 dogs and 2 kids sit still and smile.)

Anyway, after staying with friends for 10 days, flying here, staying in hotels for 3 days, having my mom, Jessica, and Bret here in a chaotic unpacked house for about a week, we are finally settling into living in our new house. It doesn't quite feel like home yet. We're still unpacking. We need to paint and hang pictures. We need to get some new stuff to fill empty spaces and store what used to be stored in all the built-ins at our old house. But, things are moving along.

(girls in window in m. bedroom)

Gracie started school. She seems to be doing ok so far. I was SO worried about her after our last weekend in MA. Friday night there, we went over to our house one last time to check on it since we couldn't close on the sale before we left. She spent a full hour lying on the floor of her empty bedroom howling and crying. She kept sobbing "I don't want to leave this room. I want to stay in this house forever. I don't want to move." I have seen many significantly sad things in my life, but that hour might possibly have been one of the saddest things I have ever witnessed. It sure didn't give me much confidence that I was doing the right thing. I know she hasn't had time to miss her friends yet. I know it's coming. But for now, she seems to be fairly content. She seems to have made a couple of friends at school and hasn't had any meltdowns since we got here. She was even caught uttering the words "I like Albuquerque." We didn't hardly dare acknowledge it for fear we had imagined it.

Hattie, I'm not sure what she thinks. She's been sleeping in her bed well (except for last night.) She hasn't asked too much about our old house. Every once in a while she'll ask for something that used to be nearby and think that we can just dash over to it, but doesn't realize how far away she is. She is mostly bummed that she can't start preschool again until the fall. (me too!)

Velvet and Shadow arrived on Thursday night with our friend, Bret. You will not meet a nicer guy. He volunteered to drive me to the airport in my car, take my car home, pick up our dogs and David's treasured bikes, and drive all of them across the country to our new house. I still can't believe anyone would do that. We were so relieved to not have to fly the dogs. I was so worried about them being so old and having to make 2 long flights with a layover in the middle of winter. They seemed pretty happy to come with Bret and were pretty bummed to see him leave on Sunday.

(new bff?)

My mom and Jessica also flew in to help us. Unfortunately, all the adults in the house got sick as we were moving in. We sent my mom and Bret home with some seriously bad viruses. Still, we managed to get quite a bit done. We are so lucky to have had so much help and it was really nice to get to spend some time with all of them too.(crusty faces)

(thanks Grandma!)

As for me. I am LOVING the sky. I missed the sky the whole time I lived in New England. The only thing that kept me going was the view of the river from my front rooms. I miss that view now too, but it is all better when I go outside and I can see horizon to horizon and watch the clouds as they pass overhead. I love the sunrises over the mountains that you can see from our upstairs windows. I love the sunsets you can see from our bedroom. And, I love the sun. I understand sun-worshipers. I am very close to being one. I have heard about the torrential weather in New England these past 2 weeks and I am utterly content to be sitting here in dry, sunny weather - even if it is a bit chilly still. I can feel it warming up to spring and I can't wait to spend the entire summer outside in the sun, with no bugs, and no humidity. I feel so much more productive when the sun is shining. I think I really like it here.

Mass, you've treated us well

I have no idea what is possessing me to blog except that I know if I don't do it right now, it won't feel the same if I wait until after we land in Albuquerque. Plus, I know I won't get around to it for a while and the memories won't be fresh anymore.

David left Massachusetts for New Mexico on Monday. The girls and dogs and I have been staying with the Fetterman family. They were awesome to take us in for over a week.

Last Wednesday, the packing company showed up at 7am to start the dirty work. Boy, I'm glad it was them and not me who packed up our 14,000 lbs of stuff! You can sure fit a lot into an unfinished basement - dangerous! I thought we had weeded out sufficiently, but when they had to call for a second truck because we didn't fit the estimate, it was just a tad embarrassing. (in our defense, we did try to convince them we had more than that to begin with.)

By Friday afternoon, our house was completely empty. As much as the girls have LOVED that house, I have been really surprised that they haven't been too upset seeing it empty, driving away from it, and leaving it. The hardest thing so far has been picking up Grace from her last day of school here. None of us want to talk about it. That was quite possibly the saddest thing I've ever witnessed aside from a funeral. She's been pretty stoic since then. She didn't cry when we left Tink (I DID! I think I might love her best!) And she's mostly been ok on her last tour of play-dates. But, she did break down at karate last night when Eamon left, and she keeps saying she's tired which is her old-school way of saying that she's beyond expressing feelings. She used to say that when she was 2 and 3 years old, but she hasn't said it in a long time.

Hattie, well, I don't think she quite understands it all. I think she knows she is supposed to be sad, but she doesn't quite know why. She actually tries to make herself cry sometimes. But, if you ask her about Albuquerque, she gets really excited. She can't wait to go on the airplane - one of her favorite things to do.

This week I have been overwhelmed by the generosity and pure friendship of other people around me. I could NOT have done half of what I've done with out them. (why am I leaving again?) Of course, MA had to send me off with one last blizzard. (thanks for reminding me of one reason I'm leaving!) Bret totally bailed me out of a couple of driveway plowing jobs, among a list of several hundred other things he's done and is volunteering to do for us next week. I don't know if he's crazy or just that nice. I'm afraid, he might be just that nice which sets the bar a little too high for the rest of us.

I've decided that seeing people "one last time" is over-rated. It's been nice to see a few, but quite frankly, it's just too hard. You know it's the last time you'll see them in who knows when and it's the big elephant in the room and then you have to do the hug which is just ridiculously sad. There have been several people I wanted to do "one last" with but couldn't, and I'm actually quite happy to leave it at wherever we left it. It feels like you have more possibilities that way. Grace won't mention "last" at all. So, we don't have one last day in MA tomorrow. We just have another day.

Again, I know the second I land in ABQ, I'll remember the 1000 reasons that I'm heading there and the rest will fade. So, here's a little tribute to the "last" few days we've spent in New England. Thanks for everything! You have treated us pretty darn well in the end.

(Eamon and Grace getting their blue belts together.)
(Master Doug... totally irreplaceable)
(riding Tink, some go forwards, some go backwards!)

(Hattie and her best friend, Megan)

(an awesome woodpecker who paid our feeder a visit last week. hope the new folks feed the birds, or they're going to be pretty mad!)
(empty house. thanks house.)
(parent's night out for Valentine's day. with OUR date, Bret.)
(self portrait by Bret. hey, aren't you a world class photographer or something?)
(hugs for Tink)


(my karate kids)
(Hattie playing with Jeanne's castle. Jeanne and Roger can't get enough of the girls coming to play in their attic.)
(playing with the marble runs (correctly pronounced "mahbil") in Roger and Jeanne's attic... one of them is over 100 years old, but they let the girls play with it just the same.)
(a fox we spotted this morning as we woke up.)
(girls at Drumlin Farm today. totally nice day for an outing.)
(There is a black pony named Midnight at Drumlin Farm. We seem to have a soft spot for black ponies. Grace has been trying to get him to let her pet him for 5 years. Today, she accomplished the task. She was thrilled.)
(there is a pig named Harriet at Drumlin farm. she had 13 piglets in October! Hattie was so proud that someone named Harriet is a momma. She wants to be a momma more than anything.)
(Harriet and a few of her piglets.)

And, you have to click on this link to see Grace's first grade class. They made the front page of the newspaper yesterday for their awesome Olympic project.

Happy Birthday and Farewell

Grace's birthday is just a few days after we land in Albuquerque. That didn't sound like such a fun way to celebrate your 7th birthday, just after you've left all your best buds behind. So, a little while back, I decided to let Grace have a huge birthday/farewell bash and invite anyone and everyone she wanted. Hattie's birthday isn't until late in April, but quite frankly, I don't know if she'll have any good friends by then either because it's looking pretty unlikely that I'll be able to get her into another preschool so late in the year. This would be the first year I would let her have a real "friend" party and she does actually have a few great little girl friends she really loves. So what the heck, let Hattie in on it too, right? She wants to do everything Grace does anyway.

Normally, I hate big birthday parties for kids. I hate inviting the whole class when you don't even know half the kids. I much prefer the small parties at home, with just a few close friends, yummy food, and party games with a good theme. But, Grace has made quite a few good friends between kindergarten and first grade, even without inviting the whole class. In an effort to avoid feeling like I wasn't including people that maybe we should have included, I let the kids come up with their guest lists and stuck to it. By the time they both invited everyone they could think of and even added more as we went, it was a recipe for a giant party. 25 kids are not going to fit in my living room, that's for sure.

We ended up renting out the gymnastics gym nearby for a monkey party. The first 45 minutes were totally sweet. The staff took them around all the equipment, parachute, obstacles, and even had a ginormous inflatable whale thingy. I think they all had tons of fun. I was hoping they'd be worn out and calm afterward...


When my turn came to gather all the kids and feed them in the party room, I didn't know if I was going to make it. I was more than a little nervous it would blow up in my face. Most of Grace's friends are also boys. Some of them are calm and like to do little quiet things like she does. The others, though, are your typical, rowdy, LOUD boys. I felt bad for Hattie's 4 little "pinky" friends. I'm sure they didn't quite know what to think about the big kids. Thankfully, a few generous parents who stayed with their kids pitched in and helped me serve pizza, ice cream, and cake to all the kids before too much chaos broke out.I was beginning to wonder if the kids were really enjoying being with each other, or if they were too busy being wild and crazy and having fun. But, as we were wrapping things up at the end, they really started talking and posing for pictures together and hugging each other. I was afraid that Grace would be really upset, knowing that this was a farewell party for her too. But, she came through really great. I'm the one who ended up in tears as I watched them all together, thinking about how much she would miss them, and apparently, how much they will miss her.
Hattie's little friends were all darling. It was the first party they had been to for most of them. They stuck together and had their own little sub-party.
Grace and I did lots of brainstorming about cool things we could put in the party favor bags. She came up with the Japanese eraser idea (apparently a phenomenon found here in MA - shopped for them in NM and couldn't find a single one!) I came up with polished rocks from NM that we made into magnets, and then we finished off the bags with bubbles and some treats and a thank you note. Much better than a bag full of plastic junk.

As for our party bags...when you invite 25 kids, you really can't open presents at the party. That is one reason I really like to have a smaller gathering at home - so the friends can see the birthday kid open their gifts. It feels so impersonal to go home, open all your gifts by yourself, and then send out thank you notes like it was a wedding. But, I have to say, it was kind of nice to have the girls calmly open their gifts with each other and really savor each one before going onto the next one. I guess it makes a good "after" party.

The funny thing is - celebrating their birthdays before moving didn't stop there. Grace was dead set on doing her school birthday celebration. I don't blame her - it is kind of a big deal. They get to choose a book to bring to class, read it to the class, and then gift it to the class library. She wanted to bring her favorite Dr. Seuss book "Oh Say Can You Say" - the tongue twister book. I called at least 15 book stores in the area. No one had it. We finally found it last night near the mall just in the nick of time to take it to school this morning. I got to read it to the class, per b-day girl's request. (good thing too - it would take a 1st grader an hour to read that book out loud.) I love spending time in Grace's class. Once again, though, it was just a hard reminder of leaving her friends.

I was really impressed with Grace last night though. She sat down and made a card to glue inside the book. She drew a picture of herself on the front and then inside, she tearlessly wrote "Dear Miss Gradys Class, I hope you can have fun when I'am gone. I will miss you. Love Grace" (with an extra I will miss you in a heart on the side.) I think she's coming to terms with moving which is great, but is almost even harder for me. She's actually being more mature about it than I am in some ways. I'm so proud of her for accepting this part of her life and trying to make the best of it. She has really been a trooper the last couple of weeks. So has Hattie.

Then, on Sunday, my really great friend Jeannie, threw our family a going away open house. Lots of people from the ward stopped by for dessert and some chatting. We have really made some awesome friends here. We certainly have a list of people we will be missing!

To top off the parties, we'll be taking pink cupcakes to school on Thursday for Hattie's birthday. (of course have to do things just like big Sis) By the time Hattie's real birthday rolls around on April 26th, these birthdays are going to be WELL celebrated. I'm just glad we can take some time to do some great celebrating in the middle of our chaos and moving blues. Next week is going to be much different than this week has been.

Thanks to all who have done so many nice things for us during these last few weeks!

grandma and grandpa time

I guess my last post was too much of a downer (wasn't meant to be - just a statement of current fact), so I'll put up something new. After all, we've got to give a little report of how things went while David and I were gone for 8 days!

Grandma and Grandpa Chapman drew the lucky straw to get to come and stay with the girls while we went house-hunting in NM last week. I don't know how lucky they felt at some points (getting lost and pulled over on the way to the church, being responsible for our house during the appraisal, supervising the installation of our new oil tank, having to shovel the New England weather, etc. etc.) But, I think overall they had a great time with the girls. Hattie hasn't spent a lot of time with them in her life, so it was a great chance for her to get to know them better. I fear that Barbara now knows just a bit too much about my personal habits after running my household though.

They didn't take pictures while we were gone, but we did get daily reports. I'm still not quite sure if they made some of this up to make me feel better, but by all accounts, sibling warfare was rare, Hattie ate all of her meals, and Grace was a helpful child. Hmm... something doesn't add up. Either Grandma is a good fibber or she has magical powers. I'm starting to think she actually might be related to Harry Potter in some way. Hattie is still eating her meals and her ocd habits are much reduced.

What does all of this say about me? Let's not go there, but I'm sure David would be happy to discuss.

The last day Grandma and Grandpa were here, we threw a little birthday party for Grandpa since it is coming up soon. The girls sure love their Grandpa Earl, and we really like to give him treats.We are all thankful for both of them. They really do amazing things for us. Thank you doesn't even begin.

moving on

This post has been a long time coming. Not quite sure where to start. Our move was tentative and secret and postponed for so long, it's kind of weird to think of it as current, happening, public knowledge, and soon!

Actually, weird doesn't cut it. Downright sickening, daunting, crazy, and surreal are more like it. I guess I'll start where we are right now. I won't lie, I've pretty much wanted to move back west ever since I landed myself in Massachusetts. One of my favorite things to do during the day is complain about living here. Most people know this about me and think that this move must be so easy and exactly what I want, so why all the tears? It gets a little more complicated than that.

Despite my firm stand to not let New England grow on me. It has. Despite my firm conviction to make my kids think they're from Utah (even though one of them wasn't even born there), they both think they're from Massachusetts. They are. Grace was not much more than a baby when we moved here. They have grown up here (so far), made all of their friends here, and most everything they love about life is here. They love living here. Grace even loves the winter. Impossible! As a mother, I just feel like the meanest person alive to be ripping them away from the schools, teachers, friends, activities, and the pony and the house that they love. It would be easier to justify this heart-ache if we HAD to move, but we don't. We could totally stay here and keep things exactly as they are. We totally made the choice. We want to move. We also know it's the right decision for our family now and in the long-term. We know we don't want to stay here forever. But, trying to convince Grace of these finer points is not going so well. "You'll thank me later" just loses its luster entirely. In fact, it's down right insulting. She is hurting and will be sad for a long time. That's why all the tears.

The story changes as the months go by, but I'll tell it like David did on Sunday when he was released from his bishopric calling.

We had a Chapman family reunion in July 2008 in Utah. We saw his whole family for the first time in 11 years. We also spent a substantial amount of time with my family. For the first time since moving here, David felt the pangs of a need to be closer to family. We were sad that these cousins were merely acquaintances in some ways for our kids. We decided maybe it was time to think about looking for new options. Our 4 years in MA was coming up. Maybe 4 years was enough?

Shortly thereafter, the economy tanked. The housing market took such a nose dive, no one in their right mind would willingly put their house on the market (especially someone who had bought at the peak of the market like we had.) The job market went in the toilet shortly thereafter. It seemed like every week, someone we knew got laid off from their job. Close friends are still losing their jobs as we speak. What a bad time to start thinking about a life change. So, we tucked the idea away and decided to ride out the economy and try for that 3rd child. We would stay in MA indefinitely. I girded myself up to live here for a very long time. I made myself be ok with it and figured out even more ways to be happy here.

The 3rd child didn't happen. Still isn't happening. Of course I wanted to have some good concrete reasons why a baby wasn't what we were supposed to be doing. Couldn't come up with any. Chalk it up to life. There isn't always another reason. Then, in April 2009, David started getting e-mails out of the blue. He was getting offers to interview for jobs he hadn't even asked about or looked for. It seemed INSANE. So many people we knew had been out of work for the entire winter - couldn't find a job to save their household no matter how hard they tried. And here we were with a totally sweet career in hand plus offers for more without even asking. It was embarrassing and a little frightening. We didn't tell anyone, whispered it to a few close people eventually, that David was looking into these new opportunities. David was eventually offered 2 jobs in L.A. and one in Albuquerque by mid-summer. crazy! How is this possible? The only conclusion we could come to was that it must be something we're supposed to do. It felt right, but definitely not planned.

We nearly decided on going to L.A. when the Albuquerque option was taking too long and appeared to have gone to someone else (although ABQ was the first choice.) The near decision to move to L.A. did not feel right at all. Stupidly, I was willing to push through it anyway at the thought of living in the sun. But, as soon as David got a simple phone call "did you take the job in L.A. yet? don't." I knew exactly what we had to do. He accepted the job in ABQ and never looked back.

That was 6 months ago. The past 6 months have been a giant exercise in patience. If you want to know why things take so long in the government, I will tell you why! We were supposed to be gone by Halloween. How could I be decorating for Christmas? Maddening! How could I be here for one more New England winter? Please tell me I don't have to be so cold! Still, in hind-sight you always see how things work out for the best. The past 6 months gave us a chance to do all the things we love in New England one more time, and even cross a few off our list that we hadn't gotten to yet. It gave Grace a chance to be in her beloved first grade class she had been looking forward to. She made some tight, great new friends this fall. It gave Hattie the chance to go to the pre-school she's wanted to go to for a year. It gave me the chance to get ready, as much as possible, to trek across the country one more time. It also gave us the chance to do a lot of things to the house and yard while the weather was good and sell it when the girls aren't out enjoying a lot of the things that are available in the better weather.

It gave us the chance to make sure too. I've only made a few MAJOR decisions in my life. Each time I have, I've been met with equally major resistance. I feel the power of opposition so strongly at these times. David did too. We came to a point (during this waiting and wondering about the relocation and job start date) where we were really irritable, very contentious, and not nice. We couldn't get responses back from his new job no matter how many times he asked. We couldn't get straight answers. We just kept getting strung along for longer and longer periods of time. We couldn't plan anything because we didn't know if we'd get an answer in a day, a week, a month, or even longer. We could just feel the tension in the air. I was totally frustrated; David was stuck in the middle. Was this a sign that we made the wrong decision, or was this a strong test of our ability to push through and keep making the right one?

We decided that we already knew we had made the right decision. It had felt right in the beginning. We felt inspired and guided when we made it. So, whatever was going on had to be an outside force. The Lord had a plan for us and evil tried to get in the way, big time. As soon as we shunned it, things started falling into place. All of the puzzle pieces are coming together in a way that is very remarkable if you stand back and look at the whole picture.

Our house sold after 5 days on the market. 5 days in a buyers market over the New Year holiday weekend! We have friends who waited 11 months last year for an offer. We went to Albuquerque last week to find a new house. We knew exactly what we wanted, the exact neighborhoods, and the exact houses that would be possibilities. I had narrowed down to 2 school districts I was willing to put the kids in. We had been looking at houses online for 6 months. We couldn't have been more prepared to select one of those houses. Our several friends there had given us every bit of great advice they had. They had driven streets for us and checked out houses for us. But, little tiny whisperings guided us to a neighborhood on the other side of town we had never considered, and to a listing we had never seen before that I had completely crossed off and thrown away as soon as we saw it. We made the offer. Sent the signed counter offer off tonight. Barring any major problem, the house appears to be ours.

I said in an e-mail to a friend "if I could take 1 black pony, 2 schools, a dozen of my friends, 20 of Grace and Hattie's friends, 1 karate teacher, and my favorite local farmstand with me to ABQ, life would be absolutely perfect." But, apparently perfection is boring to the universe, so I guess I'll take my nearly perfect life and count my blessings. Amid all of this emotional upset, waiting, expense, and too many things to do, we are unbelievably blessed. We are together as a family. The house we are buying is owned by a couple going through a divorce. They bought it new 3 years ago. They have a baby. It is wrenching to know we are benefiting from such a sad thing. While on our house-hunting trip, we watched coverage of the earthquake in Haiti. What the heck to we have to complain about? Seriously. It feels nearly ridiculous that we have so much when others are in such a state. I wish Grace could understand those things, but she's too little. Trying to show her that side of things just makes her feel unvalidated.

I guess that's the thing. It IS valid to be sad or upset even when someone is worse off than we are. It's ok to be human. We all have our own set of heart-ache to overcome. I just sincerely hope that this move isn't something that is extremely hard for Grace to come out on top. Hattie is so young, she probably won't ever remember living here. That makes me sad too. But it's also ok to make the best out of your life. It's ok to push for your dreams and make decisions when you know they're the right ones. We know we've been helped by so many and continue to be. We hope we can help others, including our little girls, to have the best lives they can have too.

Here is our new home. We have lots of hopes and dreams for it. We hope you'll come visit us in our new land, with our new adventures, which are again, far, far away: